Loud Pipes Are for Douchebags

Article submitted by Abigail Harper

Nothing beats coming into your local motorcycle Facebook group and writing something along the lines of ‘Loud pipes makes you a douche'. These ‘tough,’ ‘nothing offends me,’ motorcycle guys suddenly start looking up your profile for ammunition to strike back. Mike, who rides a yellow Ultra Glide tricycle, for fuck sake, writes, ‘This comes from an idiot riding a BMW’ or Joey, whose profile I didn’t bother checking, writes,’ your a douche.’ I would also be willing to bet that some other Facebook motorcycle safety specialists may quote word-by-word the following ’ Loud pipes save lives, moron.’ Try it one day; it is much fun!

Here is the theory behind loud pipes saving lives. It makes drivers aware of your presence by a roaring engine. Ironically enough, the same riders that make this claim would not be caught dead wearing hi-vis gear of any kind, not just because high visibility is more functional at keeping you alive than those pesky pipes. Loud pipes and high-vis are part of what the annoying cyclist community likes to call MVPC (Most Valuable Person is the ‘Moto’ Cyclist). It’s a simple acronym that keeps you safe on your way to work or across the continent.

Manoeuvrability

As a motorcyclist, you must be aware of your surroundings and, most importantly, maintain at least two escape routes at all times. If you are riding with your escape routes in mind, much of your risk is minimized. Car cuts you off, bam! You move to your escape route, and you are safe. Most incidents happen at intersections; slow down, look at what’s going on at the intersection and then move across it with care and with an escape route in mind.

Visibility

We talked about our beautiful high-Vis yellows; the yellow works so well because it is the first colour your brain picks up. At night, your lights should be on. If possible, add extra lights in the back to help drivers see you at a distance. Keep out of blind spots by moving rapidly ahead or behind these areas.

Predictability

As a driver or a ‘cager,’ I should be able to predict what you are going to do next. What you will do next should not be a guessing game by the driver behind you. I am talking about destination positioning, signalling, not swerving lanes, braking with time, and riding with confidence is all part of the process.

Communication

signalling your lane changes, following the rules of the road and, yes, loud pipes come into this territory too. But I don’t think you are giving the right communication to drivers who are distracted by their loud music, children, and GPS.

By just utilizing loud pipes as your lifeline, you are putting your safety at the hands of that idiot who is rushing to get to church on time on Sunday morning. This passive technique can even land you quite a hefty traffic ticket. As to those Facebook experts, if you are not riding with MVPC in mind, go fuck yourself. Your loud pipes are a nuisance; they don’t make you look cool, and nobody likes them (except me). It is not that I don't like loud pipes; I do! But I like them for the sound they make, and I don't go around pretending that they are for safety.

Use care when driving; take a course. I am no specialist in safe motorcycling. Take this article with a grain of salt. These are the comments of the writer and not of OTOMOTO Toronto Moto. Do you disagree with me? Comment below. If you have an opinion piece, email us at info@torontomoto.com